Our Adoption Story

Last February Adam and I made a big decision.  The decision was so big that it not only changed our entire year, it would change our entire life.  We didn't make the decision lightly and felt at peace once it was made so we moved forward trusting that it was indeed something that we should pursue.  We decided to adopt a baby. We already had too many kids to be able to work with LDS social services and we really wanted to find a baby that wouldn't necessary go to an LDS home otherwise and who really needed it.  We initially started to look at international adoption but after hearing that 75% of African American births in the United States are out of wedlock and knowing several families that have adopted AA children we decided that we could really make the difference in the life of one of these kids.

We started doing all of the paperwork and Dr. appts, and background checks and had a home study done on March 5, 2011.  Having the social worker visit our home was the last thing we had to do as part of the application process.  At the end of the interview the social worker who has done home studies for the agency for 5 years told us that she really thought that things would move VERY quickly for us and we needed to be prepared to be getting phone calls right away.  She told us about all of these placements that happened within a matter of weeks.  She also told us she would turn her report in to the agency within the next 3 days and that we would get our official approval at the weekly approval meetings held on the following Wednesday.  Well, to make a long story short she didn't turn her report in for an entire month and then when we were finally approved we didn't hear from the agency for 5 months!  We both agree that we wish the social worker had been more realistic with us.

This year we have learned that the adoption process is not for the faint of heart.  How this agency works is they will give some basic non-identifying information about a birthmom if you match what she is looking for and you can decide if you want them to show your profile to her.  You have to be ok with everything they have given you because if she picks you you are considered "matched" at that moment and the process moves forward. After 5 months of nothing the very first birthmom to look at our profile back in August picked us and since the baby had already been born it started a whirlwind of activity.  Within a few short days of being "matched" we had met the birthmom and baby and showed up to sign papers and take him home only to find out she was having second thoughts and would decide the next morning if she was actually going to go through with the placement.  The next morning they called us and told us that she had decided to keep the baby. It all ended as quickly as it had begun and to be honest I was kind of traumatized by the whole experience.  As difficult as it was the thing that scared me the most was that I hadn't really felt a connection to the baby.  I wasn't sure at that point whether we should keep going.  In the adoption process the adoptive family has absolutely no control. They pick you.  You really have to be ok with the unknown and accept the outcome whatever it may be.  It's not easy to put yourself out there with so many unknowns and decide you're going to be ok with whatever happens. It was a huge leap of faith for the both of us to keep going at this point, but we did.

Because we had experienced a failed adoption we were considered "top priority" at the agency from this time forward.  The problem was that we quickly learned that a lot of birthmoms want families that don't already have children, or if it is an AA baby they want a family that already has at least one other AA child..  Almost weekly we would get information on a birthmom and have to make a major decision of whether or not we wanted our profile to be shown.  It seemed none of the situations were ideal and more often then not we were out of our comfort zone with a situation.  For instance the birthmom was having the baby in North Carolina the week of Thanksgiving (if they are out of state you pretty much have to drop everything and go as soon as the baby is born and plan on being there for at least a week. This is difficult to do with 3 busy kids at home), or there are 2 potential birthfathers and one of them doesn't want the baby, but the other will fight the adoption so you have to wait and see when the baby is born whose baby it is and then be ok with a possible custody battle, or the baby is due on Christmas Eve in Pennsylvania and the medical costs are going to be twice as much, or the birthmom smokes 5 packs a day.  Making these decisions was difficult.  In the end we ended up just putting it into Heavenly Father's hands and telling the agency to go ahead and show our profile.  We went through this with 8 different birthmothers and each time they called us back and told us she was moving forward with another family.  By this time we were emotionally exhausted. We started this with the idea we were opening our home to someone who really needed a good family and found ourselves thinking, 'not only do they not need us, they don't even want us!' It was at this point when we were once again wondering if we should continue to move forward that Adam and I separately had significant experiences that told us to keep going even though nothing was making sense and we hadn't felt any divine direction in making these tough decisions.  It was a test of faith beyond anything we have ever experienced.

At the beginning of December Adam came upstairs with the latest birthmom paperwork in hand. "This one is from Atlanta. The baby is a boy, full African American, birthmom is 26  and is 5'9", this is her 6th child, she only has custody of 1 of them, no drug or alcohol use but she smokes, the baby will be born in Utah on Jan 30th." He rattled off the stats like usual and I said, "Sure, show our profile, she's not going to pick us anyway so it doesn't really matter." About an hour after we told the agency to go ahead and show our profile they called us back and said, "Would you be willing to take the 2 1/2 year old brother, too?" We thought about it and told them that yes, we would take him if she decided to place him, too. That was a Monday late afternoon and at noon the next day we got a phone call from the agency saying that she liked our profile and would like to meet us.  We weren't officially matched when we went to the lunch to meet her. We had been through one other lunch like this with the first birthmom and I had left feeling very unsettled.  It had been awkward for me and I had struggled to know what to say. This time around we had more in common--she was from Atlanta and we had lived there for almost 4 years when we were first married.  The conversation was easier to maintain and I left the lunch feeling at peace with it all.  I think the whole situation with the 2 year old would be better covered in a different post so I will talk about that later.

A few days after the lunch they let us know that we were officially matched.  During the lunch we learned that the birthmom had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and they were going to induce her on January 16th.  A few days after that the baby was measuring so large they changed it to January 8th.  The kids were really excited but because of our previous experience we weren't ready to announce it to everyone.  We all knew that there was a possibility she would not place the baby but going into it I was feeling pretty confident because she never seemed to waiver from her plan.  She seemed pretty set on it.  We had another lunch with just the birthmom and 2 people from the agency a few weeks later.  The week after Christmas she got to meet Britton, Jenna, and Korinne at an arranged playdate with the 2 year old at Jungle Jim's.

On January 4th they let us know that they had scheduled her for a c-section on Friday, January 6th at 7:30 a.m. and she wanted us to be at the hospital.  Later on they let me know that she wanted me in the room for the c-section with Jessica, her caseworker from the agency.  We arrived and I suited up to be in the room for the delivery.  It was quite the experience.  I could have watched the entire operation, but chose to stay behind the curtain by the birthmom's head.  When the baby was delivered they allowed me to move to where the baby was and watch as they did all of the normal baby stuff.  Adam and I were both able to watch them give the baby his first bath.  The birthmom was so exhausted after the operation that we were able to keep the baby in a separate room they gave us to "room in" down the hall from her room for a lot of the first two days. He was born on Friday morning and the adoption papers were signed on Saturday afternoon. The policy is to release the baby at the same time the birthmom is released from the hospital even after the papers are signed and our birthmom was determined to stay in the hospital as long as they would let her so we didn't get to bring him home until this afternoon. 

So, what did we name him?  Well, a few weeks ago we sent a poll out to our families and the few close friends who knew about the adoption and asked them to vote for one of 5 names:

Jameson
Jarrett
Kellen
Trevon
Beckett

The name that received the most votes was. . . (drum roll please) Jameson, so we named him Jameson. True story. That is how we picked the name.  Our friends and family spoke, and we listened.  Plus, he is named after Adam's dad, James David.  The name with the second most votes was Trevon, followed by Kellen.  Beckett and Jarrett tied for last place.  It was VERY important to the birthmom that he be named Marlon so his full name is Marlon Jameson but he will go my Jameson or MJ if we are feeling super nick-namey.

The kids are so excited they can hardly stand it.  Here they are with their new brother.

We arrived home today just before the kids got home from school.  They ran in looking for Jameson and were so excited that he was finally home.  The neighborhood kids were just as excited and they all filed in and gathered around his carseat.  They oohed and aaahed and just sat and watched him for a long time.  Jameson is kind of a novelty around here, and they were loving him.  I'm not sure many of these kids have ever even seen an African American newborn before.  Soon the other Moms in the circle were here, too. It was quite the welcoming party.  We didn't tell very many people in our ward that we were adopting so when it was announced in Sacrament meeting on Sunday there were more than a few people completely surprised. I've always liked a good surprise.

Merry Christmas!

Every year my parents come up on Christmas Eve and my Mom makes cookies with the kids and reads them some Christmas stories. The menu is always the same: Reuben sandwiches with potato salad and potato chips with various appetizers. To me it's not Christmas Eve until you are eating a Reuben sandwich and are so full from neighbor goodies and other treats you think you might burst.  I'm one of 6 kids but I happen to be the only one still living in the state and since my parents like to do all of their plane travel ON Christmas day rather than deal with before Christmas crowds we get to have them for Christmas Eve pretty much every year.  We always tease my parents (mostly my Mom) that whenever they come, even if they are just going to be here for a few hours, they bring an entire cooler of food.  They never show up without food.  My Mom is known to travel with produce in her suitcase whenever she flies anywhere because she can't stand the thought of food going bad while she is away.  If you open her suitcase on a trip and find asparagus and a pineapple mixed in with her clothes it would be par for the course. Hey, it is just the way she rolls.

Last year Britton didn't fall asleep on Christmas Eve until between 3 and 4 in the morning and was up again at 6 a.m. Yeah, didn't love that.  This year we were determined to take steps to avoid a repeat.  I had a calming essential oil diffusing all night and then put it in his room during the night. I also gave him some melatonin before bed.  While I'm sure this helped the fact that he got a really bad headache around 10:00 that night clinched the deal. He was asleep by 10:30 p.m. and they didn't come in to get us until 6:40 a.m. Success!! 

My Dad and Adam liked their new beard beanies.

It was a very Merry Christmas at our house.

Oh what fun it is to . . . .clean?

On December 20th Britton played in his annual piano recital.  He did a great job and has shown a lot of improvement this year. He was excited that Grandma and Grandpa P were able to come and see him play on their way to Rexburg. 

The kids' last day of school was the 22nd and then they were ready to play.  Korinne always has a little posse of friends around.  One day last week she had her 2 friends from our circle over plus one of their little brothers.  I was taking a much needed break from hat making and was finally deep cleaning my kitchen.  They were ready for something new to do so I got them all rags and put them to work washing my baseboards, walls, the kitchen island, and stools.  All of the stars must have been aligned or something because they were really enthusiastic about cleaning.  I thought I would take a few pictures just so everyone in the neighborhood can see how much fun it is to come and play at my house.

Yup, always a party around here.  At the end of their labors I gave them each 50 cents.  They thought that was the best thing EVER.  Hey, I aim to please.

Tis the Season. . .

. . .for concerts and recitals.

This last Friday was Korinne's Kindergarten Christmas program at school.  I knew Korinne was really excited about it, but wondered what she would do once she got on stage.  She has a history of smiling but refusing to participate when all the attention is on her.  To my surprise she was quite the little performer and did it all.

Good job Korinne! Not only did she fully participate, but she liked it.  Wow. Will wonders never cease?

Jenna's violin/piano recital was tonight.  This is one girl who loves to be on stage and she did a great job.  She goes to a neighborhood music school where they teach violin, piano, and recorder.  They even have the students singing songs.  Here she is during her violin and piano performances.

The kids didn't have all the fun this week.  Adam and I went to a Christmas party that required us to dress up a little.

I had Jenna take a picture because it hardly ever happens, ya know?

Orchestra

Britton played in his first orchestra concert on Monday night.  They do orchestra a little differently in our school district.  From what I understand about 12 years ago the school district had to cut the funding for orchestra in elementary schools so a grass roots organization was formed by parents and orchestra advocates called the Mountain West Strings Academy.  The schools support the program by giving them classrooms to rehearse, but rehearsals are before school and teachers are not school employees.  The entire program is supported by sponsors, donations, and fundraisers and is thriving.  The head of the program is music PHD who loves what he does and travels all over trying to start and support similar programs in other areas of the country.  There are 45 teachers who go to each elementary school in the district (around 4 per school)  and teach the same curriculum and songs and then they all come together for a big concert each winter and spring. Ever heard a few hundred fourth graders play on the same stage?

I have.  The stage was full to the brim.  I know there were at least 70 cellos.  I took this picture at their rehearsal about an hour before the concert.  Luckily Britton was right on the front row so I was able to get a picture.  They did a great job and considering they have only been playing for 3 months and there were a couple hundred of them it turned out very well.

Britton was recognized as an "AllStar" as he had practiced for at least 24 days during the month.  His name was featured in the program with all of the other AllStars. Jenna had stars in her eyes as she thought about being able to participate next year.  She is already taking violin and really enjoys it. Jenna's idea of a good time is playing to a full house.  Korinne would rather die then do anything in front of a crowd.  Britton just kind of takes it all in stride.  He is fine to do it, he is fine to not do it.  Its funny how each child has their own personality.

Jerusalem Supper

When Adam was growing up his family always had a special supper on Christmas Eve.  They would eat on the floor in the family room by candlelight and only eat things that would have been around during the time when Christ was born like grapes, olives, pita bread (unleavened bread) tuna fish (sans mayo or any extras) cheese, grape juice etc.  It was kind of their way of going back in time and remembering what it was like when Christ was born, a Jerusalem supper if you will.  Adam and I decided to bring this tradition back, but do it on the first Monday night in December as part of our family home evening to start the Christmas season.  Adam got all of the stuff at the grocery store and then the kids watched us putting together a very "weird" dinner.  We didn't say a word as we got out candles and started laying a bed sheet on the family room floor and putting stuff on it.  They couldn't figure out what we were doing and why we were doing it. "Uh, you guys are kind of freaking me out" was what Britton said as he watched the preparations with concern.  We got it ready and turned out the lights and started to explain what we were trying to accomplish with our Jerusalem supper.

In the end it was a bit hit.  We talked all about the first Christmas and what it might have been like back then and there is just something about eating by candlelight.  Next year when we do it again the kids won't be so "freaked out" by our weirdness.

A Lean Mean Hat Making Machine!

Remember the beard beanie hats that I learned to make last February?

Well, Christmas is their busy season and I've been turning out an average of 6 hats a day, 6 days a week since the end of September.  My blog has been neglected, along with my house and so many other things. Don't even get me started about my lack of exercise this fall!  I figured 6 hats a day was all that I could handle, but Monday morning the lady I make them for sent out a mayday call to all her peeps (hat makers and bearders alike).  They were over 100 hats behind with orders coming in at every moment! To motivate all of us to make as many as we possibly could she told us she would pay us an extra $3.00/ per hat on top of what we were already making.  Apparently I'm motivated by money, I made 63 hats this week.  Did you realize that you can actually get sore from making so many hats?  My back is sore from using my knitting loom and my hands and wrists are sore from crocheting.  My kids have had to "step up" and do more of the household chores and Adam has been great to take over dinner and other responsibilities.  He likes to joke, "Well, at least one of us is making money right now."

When Adam takes over the cooking he doesn't just throw a pizza in the oven, he tries new recipes and throws together things like "yogurt parmesan chicken." He also supervised putting up the Christmas decorations.  Jenna was such a help in that department that I didn't even have to lift a finger.  I'm here, I'm present, I can talk and have discussions, I help the kids with their homework and with music practice but you better believe that I'm crocheting while doing all of these things.  Am I ready for Christmas?  Nope. Don't even have a plan.  I spend hours at my loom planning out exactly what has to be done so that I DON'T have to do this again next year. I'm going to have a massive stockpile of hats all ready by the time fall rolls around.  When I get the mayday call I'm going to open up a bin and say "How many do you need?"  I have it all figured out because I've had 63 hours this week to think about it!  Seriously, never again.  Here are the 12 hats I made yesterday.

That's a lot of hats in one day.

Someday I'll get my life back.  The other thing I like to think about while I work is the great church history trip these hats are paying for.  It is going to be awesome!